I’m a Menace
Friday, August 17th, 2007Dean could threaten the United States by Wednesday, forecasters said, and Texas Gov. Rick Perry’s office suggested people get ready.
(from Yahoo! News)
Texas is finally coming to realize the major threat that I pose to the United States, especially Texas. What, with my wit, charm, good looks, and anti-theist/libertarian views. Who wouldn’t be threatened? Well, forecasters seem to think I won’t make any threats until next Wednesday, so I guess we’ll see.
On Yucatan, Mexican authorities broadcast radio alerts, including in the Yucatec Maya language, warning people to “be prepared.”
I don’t have any particular beef with the Yucatan peninsula, especially with the Mayans, but preparation is always the key, as no one knows where my wrathful eye may gaze next.
At Ross University School of Medicine on Dominica, about 80 medical students, mostly from the U.S., and 20 staff and faculty members spent Thursday night watching movies, playing games or sleeping on the floor between desks in a concrete building that was converted into a shelter.
Other students had left the island the previous night on regular airline flights or chartered planes. The campus was not damaged….
Hey, no worries, institutions of higher learning. I have a soft spot for science and education. I know college is a great place to watch movies, play games, and sleep on the floor of your classrooms, but you best start some learnin’, or else.
At 5 p.m. EDT, Dean was centered about 840 miles east-southeast of Kingston, Jamaica, and was moving west at 21 mph.
Wow, they’ve got it wrong there. But I’m so confident in my ultimate power, that I’ll let you all know where I am: At my desk in Astoria, writing this blog post. Geez. Big Brother isn’t keeping a very close eye on me.
Energy futures rose Friday on the news that Dean could move into the Gulf of Mexico, which produces roughly 25 percent of the United States’ oil and 15 percent of its natural gas.
Okay, you got me here. I do have a problem with fossil fuels. But I have no plans to rent out a two-bedroom flat in the Gulf. I’ve got a job here in NYC, thanks.
Stay tuned for further news coverage of … me.
