Friday, August 17th, 2007
Dean could threaten the United States by Wednesday, forecasters said, and Texas Gov. Rick Perry’s office suggested people get ready.
(from Yahoo! News)
Texas is finally coming to realize the major threat that I pose to the United States, especially Texas. What, with my wit, charm, good looks, and anti-theist/libertarian views. Who wouldn’t be threatened? Well, forecasters seem to think I won’t make any threats until next Wednesday, so I guess we’ll see.
On Yucatan, Mexican authorities broadcast radio alerts, including in the Yucatec Maya language, warning people to “be prepared.”
I don’t have any particular beef with the Yucatan peninsula, especially with the Mayans, but preparation is always the key, as no one knows where my wrathful eye may gaze next.
At Ross University School of Medicine on Dominica, about 80 medical students, mostly from the U.S., and 20 staff and faculty members spent Thursday night watching movies, playing games or sleeping on the floor between desks in a concrete building that was converted into a shelter.
Other students had left the island the previous night on regular airline flights or chartered planes. The campus was not damaged….
Hey, no worries, institutions of higher learning. I have a soft spot for science and education. I know college is a great place to watch movies, play games, and sleep on the floor of your classrooms, but you best start some learnin’, or else.
At 5 p.m. EDT, Dean was centered about 840 miles east-southeast of Kingston, Jamaica, and was moving west at 21 mph.
Wow, they’ve got it wrong there. But I’m so confident in my ultimate power, that I’ll let you all know where I am: At my desk in Astoria, writing this blog post. Geez. Big Brother isn’t keeping a very close eye on me.
Energy futures rose Friday on the news that Dean could move into the Gulf of Mexico, which produces roughly 25 percent of the United States’ oil and 15 percent of its natural gas.
Okay, you got me here. I do have a problem with fossil fuels. But I have no plans to rent out a two-bedroom flat in the Gulf. I’ve got a job here in NYC, thanks.
Stay tuned for further news coverage of … me.
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Monday, November 13th, 2006
I’m sick. I don’t feel like posting shit. You get to bear the brunt of this horrible, horrible post.
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Monday, October 9th, 2006
And people wonder why, during the reign of George W. Jesus-Hates-Gay-Arabs Bush, I would find myself on the side of the Left. Two prime examples:
From the Right: Blacks were better off as slaves.
From the Left: Recruit children. Have sex with them. Spread AIDS.
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Thursday, September 21st, 2006
I was just listening to the last episode of diggnation, and one of the co-hosts, Alex Albrecht, was talking about his new gym membership in LA. He said that among other movie stars, he’s seen Jessica Biel there on several occasions.
Warning: Possible objectification of one or more women below.
Now he did mention that he’d seen Kate Beckinsale there too, and don’t get me wrong, I think she’s hot in the dirtiest, most monkey-sweat way possible, but concerning Jessica Biel, in particular, I admire his restraint. I think if I’d have been working out and saw Jessica Biel standing behind me, my pants would have immediately exploded in what might be called an imperatively all-or-nothing biological effort by my body to propagate the entire species by populating the entire earth at that very moment.
Yes, perhaps my prostate is confused.
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Wednesday, September 13th, 2006
The authoritative database of frequently asked questions frequently given answers about God is now live on the intranetwebnetthing.
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Friday, June 2nd, 2006
Fire trucks are as ubiquitous as Starbucks right now. You might guess that nobody has ever seen rain around here. In any case, I’m stuck at Starbucks until cabs start opening up or trains start running again.
[Update: I left work last Friday at 5pm and finally got home after my third try on the N/W and walking from 57th and Lex to 42nd and Broadway without finding a cab at 10pm.]
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Wednesday, April 12th, 2006
If you haven’t checked out the facial recognition fun on myheritage.com, go do it to find out what celebrity you look like. (Yes, this whole thing is probably a fad and a meme, but it’s cool.)
Here are my results:
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Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
I think I just figured out my real job title.
You know those computer things? (Well, in this case, they’re not tower cases or laptops but hundreds of rack-mounted machines all over the US and UK.) I’m the guy (well, one of several) who makes that shit work so our developers can make a product that works so our salespeople can sell a product that works. But that’s not very glamorous.
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Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006
Baloney? Bologna? Let’s go more phonetic. You know the words; I’ll just avoid reprinting all of them so I don’t get sued. Ready? Sing along.
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