Archive for the ‘journal’ Category
Monday, July 9th, 2007
For my birthday, my friend, Erin, got me National Geographic’s The Ultimate Field Guide to Photography, which is a great find. I’ve been taking fewer photos lately, and this is just the thing to learn more and get better—which is itself just the thing to re-spark my interest. I can’t handle sucking at something.
My friend, Rene, got me Richard Dawkins’s The God Delusion. The so-called New Atheism is definitely my cup of tea: People who are unabashed and uncompromising atheists who refuse to tow the politically correct “whatever you believe is okay” party line. Religion is harmful, and while I may tolerate it politically (as in, you certainly have the right to believe what you wish without fear of violence or any sort of coercion) without hesitation, I do not tolerate it as a morally or rationally acceptable choice. My other current read, Sam Harris’s The End of Faith, is the perfect complement to The God Delusion, and I wholeheartedly look forward to reading it. It was fun watching Rene worry that I already owned it while I was unwrapping.
Thanks a ton, you guys! Those were my only gifts; 31 is such an odd year, isn’t it?
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Wednesday, April 18th, 2007
It would be a mistake to think that I am anything but fragile, anything but lonely. It’s not all the time. More in times like these. And it’s not always so potent. Just times like these.
It would be easier to think that you’re just waiting, whoever you are, singular or plural, now or then. It would be easier to think that some fate will bring me to you. But we’re both floating in a tremendous, blind sea. It goes and has no care.
You don’t really exist; only hope and dread do, creating the image of you and your finding and your loss as if you were the other half of my puzzle piece, eternally fit. I can’t even try to care about the rest of my life when all I see is my own present desire—no, just pain, grief as if it were inevitable, fear that I’m too weak and ashamed even to look—disgust that only that fear cripples, and only that fear motivates.
It would be a mistake to think that I am strong or rich or smart or even relieved. I honestly don’t understand how some people are happy alone. I don’t need the drama any more; reality is enough of excitement and boredom, ambition and fear, joy and despair.
I’ll just keep going. Who knows if I’ll be brave enough?
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Wednesday, November 1st, 2006
For we sufferers of depression and related mental health disorders, there are a few fine lines between eureka-like moments of clarity, lucidity, mental cloudiness, and absolute, muddled confusion. Over the past few months I’ve experienced them all, and today, it seems, I’m experiencing them all simultaneously.
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Tuesday, June 13th, 2006
Last Wednesday, I got to work at about 5:30am (don’t ask), took a quick snapshot of the top of the building across the street, put my camera on my desk, and never saw it again. Yep, stolen.
Thankfully, I had recently exported all the photos I had taken to iPhoto and then to flickr, so I’m not missing any photos, but until I buy a new camera, there won’t be any more photos on flickr. Plus, I’m out the $500 I paid for the camera. Bastards.
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Wednesday, May 31st, 2006
I just got back from a 5-day vacation in Texas—well, more like 6—and I’m pooped.
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Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
I know I don’t usually talk about my job on my blog, but I think my present circumstances justify an exception. You see, my twice previous employer who fired me and then hired my previous employer, who then hired me to work for the second previous employer, just hired me again.
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Thursday, March 9th, 2006
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Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
I happened to drop by the Cingular store over here in Astoria on my way home tonight. About four months ago, I bought a Sony-Ericsson S710a mobile phone for about $400 from the Cingular store next to the Flatiron, and while it’s a really cool phone, I’m very disappointed in its lack of compatibility with my Mac (OS X doesn’t even recognize it when it’s connected to USB) and the very, very flaky Bluetooth (that dies halfway through syncronizing my contacts every single time).
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Sunday, January 29th, 2006
I’m making my move on Monday—going to sublet a fully-furnished place in Astoria for a year.
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Sunday, January 22nd, 2006
What did people do before they had the television? I’ll never know. I just bought a new TV and watched so many consecutive episodes of “Law & Order”—reruns too, goddammit—I can’t count them. I even ordered the rather mediocre “Fantastic 4” for good measure.
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